Luckily, I was fortunate enough to go to Nottingham before Scotland froze over and Dave and I made it to London when things began to thaw. I had a really good time in Nottingham seeing my friends and catching up and saying goodbye for a while. London, though, took the cake. I had one of the best times in the capital EVER. Between seeing Billy Connelly in Boots and Jaime Bamber at Koya in Soho, walking through new areas in London, eating some beautiful meals and visiting the Victoria and Albert Museum, I had a fantastic time catching up with friends, meeting new people and seeing facets of the life I left behind and the life I want to have in the future. I am a city girl, through and through, and it begs belief that I tried to convince myself that anything else could havebeen enough. So while I was talking to interesting (and attractive - WOW!) people in cool locales about art, culture, travel and social politics, I felt so happy. In fact, while saying goodbye to our gracious hosts, I got a major lump in my throat. I wish I took more pictures to remember the happiness and wonder my heart felt.
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Christmas is coming and I'm still not looking forward to it. My attitude has been lacklustre to say the least and I'll try to play the role of happy Ms. to make everyone else more comfortable, but part of me wants to buy a box set (preferably Grey's Anatomy), bake an apple pie and lock myself in a dark and quiet room for 2 days. I try to shake off this feeling because I'll be with my extended family and I love them and I'm leaving them, but I can't lie - there's a baby sized hole in my heart and all the tinsel and stuffing in the world isn't going to fix it. I can't help but think that at this time last year, we were working on making a baby. Right before New Year's Eve, we conceived her. So yeah, it's hard.
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I now have 7 days left at work and people have been asking me if I'm counting down. Why yes, yes, I am. I don't intend to ever work with students again.
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If anyone would have asked me what I wanted for xmas or a goodbye gift, I would have told them a donation to SANDS in Isla's name would have been perfect.
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I'm going to miss Dave like crazy while we're seperated. I'm not sure how I'll go 3 months without looking into his beautiful hazel eyes. I know I'll have a fantastic time repatriating, but I'll miss my husband. Sometimes the only thing that helps snap me out of a bad spell is one of Dave's hugs. I keep telling myself I'll be over there laying the foundation for our future. He'll be with me soon enough.
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I no longer want to talk about regrets. It's a road Dave and I go down too often and it doesn't help anyone or anything. I can no longer think of how our lives could have looked like had we not moved to Dave's hometown. We could have been in London or in Canada. We would have had a better experience as a newlywed couple. We should have taken that job opportunity or moved to Canada sooner. I think we both think that if things were different and I was happier, perhaps we wouldn't have lost our daughter. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Don't want to do that anymore.
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We have so much to look forward to.
