|This was before the beard came off. I loved that beard..|
Our apartment is coming along now. We have hung up items on the walls, personalized furuniture and purchased a new home entertainment unit. There are items missing like a rug, a coffee table, a sitting chair and odds and ends, but we're here for the long haul. All that stuff can wait until we found the perfect accompaniement rather than running out to buy something just because I want the finished look. I plan on posting a few before and afters because I'm really "in like" with our home and happy with where we live.
|These ads are ridiculous. Love the grafitti.|
As I mentioned a couple of months back, I got elected to the executive of the JET alumni organization here so I have been out to meeting and activities, which have been a really great way to meet new people and get out in the city. I also got the opportunity to write a restaurant review, participate in a fundraiser for the recent Japanese earthquake and tsunami and try my hand at rock climbing. It has been taking more of my time than I anticipated, but that has been good. I've realized though that my focus right now is on pregnancy losses (duh) and connecting with other women who have suffered. I think that's probably something I'll get more involved in as time goes by. In the meantime, I organized and participated in a meet up for other baby loss mommas in the GTA and our first meeting was great (well, as great as can be when you're talking about the babies that you lost). It helps me have an outlet for the pain I still and will always have. We're meeting again in a few days and I can't wait.
To put it briefly, my social life has been rocking. I have such great friends here and I feel like a fun outing is just a text away. I have peeps here from university and an old job, as well as my old friends, the Pinay crew. I cannot say how much I laugh when I'm with my friends. When we get together, we are 18 years old again, and I savour those moments. On the flip side, they have also cried with me when I've had my down days. I love them so much. Toronto would not be the same without them.
Thoughts of my daughter are, of course, are on my mind every day, just not all day any more. I think of her frequently and it always reaches fever pitch around the middle of the month. My brain subconsciously marks the time of the month when we lost her last May. She was born on the 17th and without fail and usually without me realizing it, I go down that deep pit of despair for a while. I remember things vividly and I cry and feel lost and empty. I am coping with these dark times better and better though. Her birthday is coming up and I have been racking my brain thinking of coming up with a good way to...pay homage to her life? No, that's not it. Acknowledge her presence here on earth? Hmmm....getting closer. It's just hard. One of my BFFs gave me a cracking idea - pay it forward. She told me about a friend of a friend who lost a baby and who honours her baby's life by buying various baby items and donating it to the maternity ward of a hospital. That's nice but I think I rather donate to other mothers who are going through the same thing I went through last year. One thing that struck me when they brought Isla to me was that she was dressed in a very lovely outfit. Someone, most likely a woman who had to say goodbye to her baby too soon, took the time to sit down and make clothes for really small babies. Isla weighed 1lb 1oz when she was born. And she was decked out in a lovely pink knitted dress and a pink and white knitted toque. And she looked lovely. Someone gave her clothes when nothing you could have bought in a store would have fit her and I'm grateful my baby had something made just for her. So it seems right to do that for someone else. With just a few weeks to go before her birthday, I won't have enough time to knit something that is of good quality, but in the months to come, I swear I'll do this and send it to the hospital in Isla's name.
And that's where we are. I plan on having a lot of fun this summer and being really, really busy having a life. Toronto is truly a great city and I'm sorry I never gave it a good chance till now. Here are a few scenes from our walk this past weekend:
|Underwear found in Kensington Market.|
|Dave is apparently quite a well known artist in Canada. Google it.|
|Ramen mascot on Spadina Ave.|
|I think they suit him.|