Friday, 29 April 2011

Big, fat update post

It's been a whole month since I last updated and things have progressed.  A lot. Rather than turn this into a monster post, I'll break down what's been happening in manageable bites:

This was before the beard came off.  I loved that beard..
On April 5th, Dave touched down at Pearson and we were finally reunited after 83 days of living apart.  He breezed through immigration and into my arms and he hasn't left them since.  I can't really describe how it felt to see his beardy face after nearly 3 months of infuriatingly haphazard Skype chats and broken up long distance conversations.  I can't get enough of his kisses, his voice and his smell.  This is the closest to feeling whole in about a year.  He has been working hard at settling in, putting together furniture for me and applying for jobs.  I'm so happy he's here and we can truly start over again.


Our apartment is coming along now.  We have hung up items on the walls, personalized furuniture and purchased a new home entertainment unit.  There are items missing like a rug, a coffee table, a sitting chair and odds and ends, but we're here for the long haul.  All that stuff can wait until we found the perfect accompaniement rather than running out to buy something just because I want the finished look.  I plan on posting a few before and afters because I'm really "in like" with our home and happy with where we live.


These ads are ridiculous. Love the grafitti.
Due to the graciousness of a great friend, I met up with a holistic therapist who came over to my house about a month ago to talk about our loss and healing.  I never got the chance to talk to a therapist after losing Isla, and after all the months that have passed, I feel like talking it out is the best thing for me.  Rebecca communicated with me from the point of view of a naturopath and spiritual healer and I did feel lighter and more hopeful after we talked, and luckily, I have been riding that wave ever since.  She also diagnosed with me with having too much acid in my body which has led to some unpleasant side effects ever since after I gave birth.  Based on her suggestions, I've undertaken a fairly strict diet where I have cut out dairy, sweets (including most fruits), wheat and everything delicious and fattening in an effort to balance my body out.  While I was focusing on ridding myself of my oh-so-annoying affliction, I lost weight without even trying.  I have gone down two belt sizes and my clothes are all looser.  I have a more athletic build right now with abs and smaller hips, which is a bit weird.  Dave thinks my body is rocking and I'm pleased, but I want to be better on the inside as well.  This is month 2 so we'll see if I'm "cured".


Since arriving in January, I have had two jobs and have been interviewed 5 times.  I can finally say that I will be starting a third job next month, which, happily is permanent.  That means I'll have benefits, vacation, security, and one less thing to worry about when planning about the future.  It has been a struggle to get to this place.  This is a topic I'll probably revisit in the future.

Extracurricular Activities

As I mentioned a couple of months back, I got elected to the executive of the JET alumni organization here so I have been out to meeting and activities, which have been a really great way to meet new people and get out in the city.  I also got the opportunity to write a restaurant review, participate in a fundraiser for the recent Japanese earthquake and tsunami and try my hand at rock climbing.  It has been taking more of my time than I anticipated, but that has been good.  I've realized though that my focus right now is on pregnancy losses (duh) and connecting with other women who have suffered.  I think that's probably something I'll get more involved in as time goes by.  In the meantime, I organized and participated in a meet up for other baby loss mommas in the GTA and our first meeting was great (well, as great as can be when you're talking about the babies that you lost).  It helps me have an outlet for the pain I still and will always have.  We're meeting again in a few days and I can't wait.

Social Life

To put it briefly, my social life has been rocking.  I have such great friends here and I feel like a fun outing is just a text away. I have peeps here from university and an old job, as well as my old friends, the Pinay crew.  I cannot say how much I laugh when I'm with my friends.  When we get together, we are 18 years old again, and I savour those moments.  On the flip side, they have also cried with me when I've had my down days.  I love them so much.  Toronto would not be the same without them.


Thoughts of my daughter are, of course, are on my mind every day, just not all day any more.  I think of her frequently and it always reaches fever pitch around the middle of the month.  My brain subconsciously marks the time of the month when we lost her last May.  She was born on the 17th and without fail and usually without me realizing it, I go down that deep pit of despair for a while.  I remember things vividly and I cry and feel lost and empty.  I am coping with these dark times better and better though.  Her birthday is coming up and I have been racking my brain thinking of coming up with a good way homage to her life?  No, that's not it.  Acknowledge her presence here on earth?  Hmmm....getting closer.  It's just hard.  One of my BFFs gave me a cracking idea - pay it forward.  She told me about a friend of a friend who lost a baby and who honours her baby's life by buying various baby items and donating it to the maternity ward of a hospital.  That's nice but I think I rather donate to other mothers who are going through the same thing I went through last year.  One thing that struck me when they brought Isla to me was that she was dressed in a very lovely outfit.  Someone, most likely a woman who had to say goodbye to her baby too soon, took the time to sit down and make clothes for really small babies.  Isla weighed 1lb 1oz when she was born.  And she was decked out in a lovely pink knitted dress and a pink and white knitted toque.  And she looked lovely.  Someone gave her clothes when nothing you could have bought in a store would have fit her and I'm grateful my baby had something made just for her.  So it seems right to do that for someone else.  With just a few weeks to go before her birthday, I won't have enough time to knit something that is of good quality, but in the months to come, I swear I'll do this and send it to the hospital in Isla's name.

And that's where we are.  I plan on having a lot of fun this summer and being really, really busy having a life.  Toronto is truly a great city and I'm sorry I never gave it a good chance till now.  Here are a few scenes from our walk this past weekend:

Underwear found in Kensington Market.

Dave is apparently quite a well known artist in Canada.  Google it.

Ramen mascot on Spadina Ave.

I think they suit him.


  1. Jeez, you make me want to come home, girl. I could use a plate of pho! ;)

  2. Hi! I'm still here. Still thinking about you guys and her too. When May came around I remembered it would be Isla's birthday soon. I'm glad to see you're doing OK, probably even pretty well on some accounts. So happy your husband is there. Sending hugs, let me know when you come back to Mtl. x