Monday, 12 October 2009

On time and waiting (*written on Thanksgiving Day)

I will fully admit that I’m not the most patient of individuals. I’m like this in nearly every situation, and I really try my best to calm down but I sometimes snap when I feel like I’m getting tested. I even pray for patience because it’s not something I feel I can do on my own. I feel like I’ve become better at resisting the urge to pitch a shit fit whenever something is not happening NOW, but there is always room for improvement. For example, I nearly had a wee breakdown the other night when Dave and I missed our last train home. We had left our friends’ flat after a delicious dinner of Mexican dishes and imported beer. We ran for the train but we missed it and it made me so upset. Background: I take the train and bus everyday for 3 hours round trip (this includes walking and waiting time). We don’t have a car nor do we plan on getting one. On top of that, my train was late that morning. So I had a bitch fit on the train. I wasn’t crazy but I had this overwhelming feeling of “f*ck this”. So I very nearly ruined our nice evening because of my inability to roll with the punches, though the £40 fare we had to pay to get home from a neighbouring town pretty much did that.

Anyway, the point is there was absolutely nothing I could have done about this situation nor is there anything I can do about all the waiting I have to do on macro and micro levels. For reasons that I can’t really get into on a public blog (ok, I choose not to get into them), I can’t quit my job and we can’t spend the money on a car, nor can I up and move to Canada tomorrow. I can’t change this situation for a few years so I have to be patient and just live with it. We have mighty big plans for our future. I need to look to them while being happy with what we have now. It’s so tough but I can do it. And hey, it’s perfectly ok to get really pissed off as long as it’s temporary and no one gets hurt.

Frankly speaking, I know I wouldn’t be living this life had I not fallen in love with my husband. Dave is ridiculously patient and he really keeps me going. He is so calm and rational when I so am not, and I’m madly in love with him. He makes everything worth it. On this day of giving thanks (in Canada), I am so thankful for Dave. He keeps me grounded while reminding me of our plans and keeping me laughing.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Holy poop, I'm bored. I'm sorry, I don't have much to say right now. Summer is gone, it's getting cold and the days are shorter. I went to Nottingham for a very brief, but much needed getaway and I'm back, thinking about the future while trying (and failing) to remain in the present. No holiday any time soon and the attainment of goals seem so far away. Damn. It sucks working in a cold office. I'm going to heat up my chilli and my cornbread and wait until it's time to head out to my dressmaking class. In the words of the wonder Liz Lemon: "Blergh".