Monday, 12 October 2009

On time and waiting (*written on Thanksgiving Day)

I will fully admit that I’m not the most patient of individuals. I’m like this in nearly every situation, and I really try my best to calm down but I sometimes snap when I feel like I’m getting tested. I even pray for patience because it’s not something I feel I can do on my own. I feel like I’ve become better at resisting the urge to pitch a shit fit whenever something is not happening NOW, but there is always room for improvement. For example, I nearly had a wee breakdown the other night when Dave and I missed our last train home. We had left our friends’ flat after a delicious dinner of Mexican dishes and imported beer. We ran for the train but we missed it and it made me so upset. Background: I take the train and bus everyday for 3 hours round trip (this includes walking and waiting time). We don’t have a car nor do we plan on getting one. On top of that, my train was late that morning. So I had a bitch fit on the train. I wasn’t crazy but I had this overwhelming feeling of “f*ck this”. So I very nearly ruined our nice evening because of my inability to roll with the punches, though the £40 fare we had to pay to get home from a neighbouring town pretty much did that.

Anyway, the point is there was absolutely nothing I could have done about this situation nor is there anything I can do about all the waiting I have to do on macro and micro levels. For reasons that I can’t really get into on a public blog (ok, I choose not to get into them), I can’t quit my job and we can’t spend the money on a car, nor can I up and move to Canada tomorrow. I can’t change this situation for a few years so I have to be patient and just live with it. We have mighty big plans for our future. I need to look to them while being happy with what we have now. It’s so tough but I can do it. And hey, it’s perfectly ok to get really pissed off as long as it’s temporary and no one gets hurt.

Frankly speaking, I know I wouldn’t be living this life had I not fallen in love with my husband. Dave is ridiculously patient and he really keeps me going. He is so calm and rational when I so am not, and I’m madly in love with him. He makes everything worth it. On this day of giving thanks (in Canada), I am so thankful for Dave. He keeps me grounded while reminding me of our plans and keeping me laughing.

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