The pain is still there, but less obtrusive, more like full bodied arthritis rather than a coma. But I’m getting better. Planning for our move has helped pass the time and given me a focus that I had previously thought impossible.
I still weep, but the jags are shorter and cleaner.
Last week, Dave told me that I was becoming a negative person, one filled with anger, fear and jealousy. Whereas I was once optimistic, my lack of faith was darkening my views and my attitude. He was right. I don’t want to be that person.
So I’m more conscious of how fortunate I am and how much my light our daughter brought to our life. I’ve started talking to her to help strengthen me. “Hi Isla. I love you and miss you. I’ll try to have a good day and hug your daddy a lot.”
Lara mentioned that it does get easier. She’s right. I’ll have my bad days, intense and dark, but thankfully they’re shorter.
I bought these roses, similar to the ones I bought for her funeral, to have something beautiful that reminds me of her. I used to hate roses. Now I don’t.
Anna Lennox, the singer had a stillborn birth, with her first child. I listened to the interview. She said it was very hard and she said that losing a baby makes you very vulnerable and you start to fear, so she kept telling herself the next time, she became pregnant, she will have a healthy baby. She kept on saying that all the time. Now she has two daughters.
ReplyDeleteIt is understandable that you will be fearful, because of your experience. Hold on the the fact that you will have healthy children. See yourself having healthy children. Make your image so strong, that it wil blog out the voices in your head, about you losing your daughter. Talk about looking forward to having more children when you are in Canada. Call your children, give them names, make them as real as possible.
God did not take away your child, it was the evil one who kills, steals and destroys. Read John10:10. My marriage broke up, within four years my mother died, as for my relatives, they abandoned me. My divorce was bitter, my lawyer did not help me, but she called me a bitter woman.
I'm now getting married again, I am a successful writer and I am very happy and as for my relatives and my ex husband, they are so bitter about my success.
Once you tell yourself, that you will be happy. You will get your hearts' desires.
I'm glad you're healing, Kaki.
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