I have to be honest: I'm a liar. A lie nearly every day. I lie through my teeth when people ask me things and I lie by withholding my true feelings. I'm a dirty, filthy liar. And I can't stop.
I wish I had the power and the guts to say "No, I'm not okay" when someone asks me how I am. I wish I can answer truthfully and tell them I cried my eyes out for hours when they ask me what I did last night. I wish I could wipe that stupid, pasted on smile off my face when all I want to do is grimace and moan. I'm so scared that I'll alienate everyone in my life by telling a simple truth: that I'm grieving, I'm depressed and I sometimes have "bad thoughts".
I know I'm getting better but in some ways, I feel like this grief will never go away. I so wish this wasn't my life.
I just don't know what to do.
This woman is honest in a way I wish I could be now.