I realize the last post was pretty heavy. I got some concerned phone calls and emails, and I'm so grateful for all the love I have in my life. I've written a post that is honest and hardcore, but I'm not ready to share that, but I promise I will one day. I guess I just want to be even more honest about what I've been feeling regarding being a baby loss mama. One day.
Lately, I've been on an upswing. I went to a local support group for grieving parents and that helped immensely. While I have friends who I can share so much with and who cry and grieve with me, there is something calming about being in a room full of people who have also lost a baby or babies. It just feels like I'm less of a freak and that my tears/rage/sadness is NORMAL. So yeah. That was very intense, but cathartic as well. I've also made contact with another group that will be closer to our new apartment and should start in the summer. Hopefully, that will be successful too.
I'm also very happy that the countdown to Dave's arrival is now on! 4 MORE WEEKS! I can't wait to kiss his beardy face again. In the meantime, I have been driving around this sprawling megapolis securing furniture, furnshings and supplies for our new apartment, which I will be moving into on Saturday. I have been finding inspiration everywhere and I can't wait to make it our own. Our stuff that was shipped from Scotland should be arriving in a few weeks and it'll be great to have all our stuff we've collected from Japan and Scotland here, under one roof. I plan on blogging about making our apartment a home, so that will be different, and hopefully good.
I've also taken a risk in terms of my job/career and I'm hoping it will pay off. I don't want to say much more right now, but it was very uncharacteristic of me to say no even though I would have jumped up and down saying "YES" 8 years ago. Well, we all know that that girl is dead and gone. I guess the biggest thing I've learned through all this stuff is that life is risky, life isn't guaranteed and take advantage of every good thing when you have it. I'm trying. Holy crap, I'm trying.